Fear of Nothing
I’ve only been writing this blog for three days, and I’m already starting to repeat myself.
But one of the things that I struggle with and that I completely don’t understand is: what am I so afraid of?
I mentioned yesterday that I didn’t want to admit that my son was hurt, because I didn’t want to deal with doctors and nurses at the hospital. A more honest way of putting that is that I am afraid of dealing with doctors and nurses at the hospital.
What am I afraid of? What do I think is going to happen?
That’s what makes it so strange. Even when I know, absolutely know that there is nothing bad that could happen, that there is no unpleasant outcome to fear, that there are no repurcussions… in short that there is absolutely nothing to be afraid of… I’m still scared. And not just a little bit – I’m paralyzed with fear.
What am I so damned afraid of?
I really don’t know. I think that if I did, I wouldn’t have such a problem. How do you overcome a fear when you don’t even really know what you’re afraid of?